To change what we do, we have to change what we see

Deciding to change our habitual behaviour often does not work because we don't notice that there is any moment of choice about our actions in a situation. This is a particular problem when there is perceived threat in the situation. Not only does it trigger instinctive  'defensive' thinking and actions, but our PFC closes down, making us unable to self-observe and change. 

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We literally think differently when in a negative state - yet we are unaware of it. However, even if you cannot feel the difference in thinking, you can notice negative emotions (eg fear or anger). And whenever you feel those, it should be a trigger to see if you can re-frame the situation to see it more positively. It is not about feeling better, but about thinking and acting 'smarter'. 

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Here's an example of re-framing ... Original framing = "I'm anxious (negative emotion) about this upcoming meeting - I'm not sure they are going to like my ideas (threat / bad)". Re-framing = "I'm excited (positive emotion) about the opportunity (good) to find out what they really think."   

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Also consider the 'Ridikulus' [link to be added] spell as a way to re-frame how you react to people you have come to see as 'bad' (eg scary, irritating, rude, unfeeling, boring, etc).