Choose to see the situation (or person) as positive

Intended changes in behaviour often do not happen because, when we see threat in the situation (or person), it affects our brain. Not only does threat trigger 'defensive' thinking and actions, our PFC closes down, making us unable to intentionally change our habitual (or learned) patterns. 

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We literally think differently when triggered - but we cannot feel that difference in thinking.  However, you can notice negative emotions (eg fear or anger). And when you feel those, it should be a trigger to see if you can re-frame the situation to see it positively.

It is not about feeling better, but about thinking and acting 'smarter'. 

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Here's an example of re-framing ... Original framing = "I'm anxious (negative emotion) about this upcoming meeting - I'm not sure they are going to like my ideas (threat / bad)". Re-framing = "I'm excited (positive emotion) about the opportunity (good) to find out what they really think."   

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Also consider the 'Ridikulus' spell [link to be added] as a way to re-frame how you react to people you have come to see as 'bad' (eg scary, irritating, rude, etc). ​